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  • Writer's picturerobbiegringras

The only Chanukah story I know

Adam and Eve get kicked out of the Garden of Eden, and they are devastated.

"Please forgive me Lord!" cries Adam.

"Please forgive us Lord!" cries Eve.

But there is no reprieve from G!d. They are out.

Contrary to mainstream accounts, they do not move off into their new life so swiftly. They collapse in front of the swirling sword blocking their re-entry, and weep. They cry, they wail, they bawl. And they don't stop.

The sound of their pain reaches the ears of the angels in heaven. They in turn speak with G!d about the suffering of Adam and Eve. Some are full of compassion, others complain the sound disturbs their harp practice.

"It sounds like they have learned their lesson, Lord. Perhaps you should let them back in, now..."

But G!d will not budge.

The weeping continues and the tears continue to flow. Flow? The tears continue to gush. Wave upon wave of Adam and Eve's tears build up and up, until the whole of earth is one huge salty sea. And yet the sobbing goes on and the sea rises and rises until it begins to lap up against the Pearly Gates themselves.

"We are in danger now!" cry the angels. "Forgive them, Lord, lest their grieving flood the heavens themselves!"

"I will not allow them to return to the Garden of Eden!" roars the Lord.

"But," He continues more softly, "I will present them with a gift to ease their way in the outside world.

I will grant to them this gift when their world is at its darkest.

"This gift will be perfectly spherical, so that they will be reminded that fate is a cycle: Whenever one is at the bottom, one may yet roll to the top.

"And this gift will have its sweetness hidden within, deep inside its heart. Thus may they be reminded that however difficult life may seem on its surface, beauty and sweetness can be found in the depths. "And in order for this gift to remind them that I am still with them, although I have banished them from the very Garden of Eden, I shall call this gift: SOF GAN YAH - End of the Garden of G!d."

(Sufgania - Hebrew for Doughnut - סופגניה)

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